Every Sentence

 
 
 
 

Transcript:

Every Sentence.


Every sentence you write should make them want to read the next sentence you write.


That makes sense.  Why would you write a sentence that doesn’t make them want to read the next one?  Why put a cock blocking sentence in the middle of the rest of your sentences?


Each sentence should get them excited and curious and perturbed and interested about the next sentence.


What’s comin’ around the corner, Jimmy?  The anticipation is killing me.  Tell me Jimmy!  Tell me what’s about to happen!


That’s writing advice for writers.  Every sentence matters.  All sentences matter.  Unlike white people!  AmIright! *act out elbow*


C’mon ya whites.  Ya shoulda seen that coming.  That was obvious.


Every sentence has to build momentum into the next sentence.


That’s not fair.  Who can write that many good sentences?  People don’t like reading sentences.  I’m supposed to write a bunch of them in a row that people wanna read?  That’s bullshit.


Yes it is.  But wait.  It gets even more difficult.


As a comedian, every other sentence has to be funny.

You’re a writer, so every sentence has to make them want to read, or listen to – stand-up, more of a spoken word art form – every sentence has to make them want to listen to, the next sentence.


That’s your job as a writer.


But as a comedic writer, every other sentence has to be funny.


Set up.  Punch.


Set up.  Punch.


Set up.  Punch.


Is that impossible?  Yes.


But shoot for the moon, fall among the stars.  That’s your only hope.  You’re an astronaut with an impossible task.


You’re going to die alone in the cold vacuum of outer space.  But, get as far up there as possible.  That’s sort of a neat way to die, huh?  Your floating, dead, astronaut body a little further out there than the next person’s?  That’s an achievement.  Sisyphus would be proud.


Every sentence.


That’s how you have to critique your work.


Don’t be so harsh at the outset.  You still gotta freestyle and spitball and wander and get lost.  Have some fun.  Play around in the mud a little bit, ya silly pig.


But eventually, you have to be terrifically harsh on yourself.  You gotta beat your knuckles with a ruler until they bleed.  You gotta be mean and relentless.  You gotta say rude things to yourself about your mother.  You can’t be kind anymore.  Every sentence.  You’re not gonna get things right with every sentence playing Mr. Nice Guy.  You gotta be an asshole.


If you wanna be a good writer, you gotta be an asshole to yourself.


Why am I emphasizing that part?  Cuz it’s easy to be the silly pig playin’ around in the mud.  That’s the fun part.  Mr. Nice Guy and the muddy pig playing tiddlywinks together.  That’s the easy part.


But somebody’s gotta punch Mr. Nice Guy in the face and turn the pig into bacon.  That’s how you get to Every Sentence.  No wasted words.  People don’t like sentences but they like bacon.  Sacrifice your darling little pig to the writing gods.  Be mean to yourself.


And don’t forget: Every other sentence has to be funny.

Michael Franke