Smoking Makes Your Teeth Fall Out: A non-judgmental dentist tries to empower you to get smoking out of your life
Modern Vader.
Disclaimer: The information presented in this article is for educational purposes only and is NOT intended or implied as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from your dentist, physician, or any other healthcare professional. You should NOT use the information presented here for diagnosing or treating any health problem or disease. Never disregard advice from your personal medical care provider(s) or delay contacting your dentist/other healthcare providers because of anything you read or heard here. Reading this article and/or utilizing any of the information presented in any way does NOT create a doctor-patient relationship between you and the article creator or with any of the healthcare professionals in any way affiliated with this article. You use this information at your own risk. You should contact your dentist/healthcare professionals before beginning any new treatment or practice to address a health problem or improve your health. The author is not responsible for information on external websites linked to from this article or for the information on external websites that link to this article.
I probably don’t come across as someone who is in a credible position to help you rid yourself of smoking. I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life,¹ unless you count the second-hand smoke I’ve picked up from relatives and fellow stand-up comics over the years. But I love my relatives and fellow stand-up comics, and I don’t think smoking is good for them, so I don’t think it’s good for you either. I don’t say that to make you feel bad. There are far worse things in life than smoking. If that’s the worst thing you ever do, who cares?
Still, I’d like to help you get that demon monkey off your back if that’s what you would like to do. The best advice I have is to read this book. Why would I, a lifelong non-smoker, read an entire book about how to quit smoking? Isn’t it obvious? Because I care about your precious teeth and gums, love. That’s my duty as a dentist: to care about your teeth and gums when no one else will. I’m here to protect your chompers from the tobacco and sugar industries if it’s the last thing I do. This book is your ticket to a smoke-free life. I found out about the book because it’s the way a bunch of degenerate comedians have been able to quit smoking, and if a bunch of no good bottom of the societal barrel low-brow “artist” degenerate comedians can quit smoking, then so can you. Right? Read the book.
The author of the book is Allen Carr. He was a smoker for 33 years. He typically smoked between 60 and 100 cigarettes each day during that time. Like I said, I’m not a smoker, but that seems like a lot of cigarettes to me. I think he has some credibility considering he was able to rid his life of smoking and live happily tobacco-free for 23 years.
I’m also not a Buddhist, but as I was reading Allen Carr’s book about how to quit smoking, I kept thinking about what I do know about Buddhism from reading about it, particularly the Buddhist mindset toward craving and desire. Carr has focused on very similar Buddhist psychological insights to help you stop smoking.
Reframe the way you view smoking in your mind. You are not giving anything up. It isn’t pleasurable. It doesn’t relieve stress. It nags at you all day long like the most annoying asshole person you’ve ever met. “Pay attention to me! I’m important! Put me in your mouth! Nag! Nag! Nag! Nag! Nag!” What a shit “friend.”
He never mentions Buddhism, but the parallels are there. My experience in healthcare as a dentist has repeatedly demonstrated to me how critical behavior change is to a healthy, happy life. I think our training in “Western” medicine (especially as our “healthcare” system becomes more and more corporatized every year) misses the mark on understanding this aspect of patient care most of the time.
You have the power to take control of your healthy lifestyle and rid yourself of the smoking lie. It’s not fun. It’s not enjoyable. You’ve been tricked by a lot of nasty people—wolves in sheep’s clothing. Chances are you were hooked when you were an adolescent or young adult before your prefrontal cortex was fully developed, and you were able to make rational decisions in your own best interest.
Now you have lived so long with smoking that your brain has been trained to think that you need something completely worthless and harmful. That’s the tobacco industry’s game. It’s a sick game. The same sick game the sugar industry pushes on kids with their cute cartoons to sell cereal and candy. Your brain gets caught in a loop believing that you need a toxic substance to be happy.
Here’s the reality: Happiness is relative. Your body is designed to maintain a baseline of happiness within a range. Your happiness is physiologically bounded. It’s never going to spike off the charts and stay there because you took some drug, have a lot of money, or are having the greatest sex of your life. It doesn’t last. If you tend to be happy at about a 7 out of 10 most of the time, your body will balance out at that level whether you smoke or don’t smoke. Same with any drug. Smoking does not increase overall life satisfaction. No drug can. It does not make you happier. It might give you a quick buzz when you start smoking, but then your body adapts to that, and it becomes your baseline. Except that the new baseline is much more expensive, damaging, and an overall massive life inconvenience to maintain.
All drugs interact with our bodies in this fashion. The body is always adapting to maintain your physiology near a stable baseline. As soon as you quit smoking, your body will start adapting to that level of stimulation and balance out around a 7 out of 10 happiness. Have you ever seen an adult human being passionately arguing that smoking made them happier? No. It’s always the same story: You started smoking young. You got used to it. It became a habit. It’s a familiar aspect of your current lifestyle. You don’t know how to stop.
Allen Carr knows how to stop, and he’s all too happy to help you do it. You want to stop. You just need someone to show you the steps. No judgment. The power is all in your hands. He just wants to show you how to do the thing you want to know how to do. You’re more than capable. You’ve got this.
If I haven’t yet convinced you to read the book, you can continue reading this article, which is a cheap, shortened, not as good version of that book (You can click the link; it’s safe. I promise I’m not trolling you with a link to buy the King James Bible or anything. Although, that would be pretty funny.).
The key point Allen Carr tries to get across is that you don’t need any willpower at all to quit smoking. The idea that stopping smoking is “one of the hardest things to do” is a magnificent lie. Think about it. What better propaganda could possibly exist for the tobacco industry? Every tobacco executive’s eyes light up as big green cash money symbols every time one of us reinforces the idea that getting rid of smoking is hard. I have been part of this problem due to my own ignorance and naivete. That stopped after I read Allen Carr’s book. I’m not going to be responsible for lying to you anymore. I’m not going to contribute to taking your power away from you anymore. You don’t need tremendous strength to quit smoking. You just have to see smoking for what it is. You need to know the truth.
Insight #1: Smoking Does NOT Feel Good. It Does NOT Relax You or Relieve Stress. It Only Relieves Pain Brought on by Smoking.
You may think smoking is pleasurable. This is a matter of perspective. When you smoke, nicotine binds to receptors in your brain, causing the release of dopamine. Dopamine gives you that little kick of pleasure. End of story? Not quite.
After you become a habitual smoker, your body adjusts to having higher levels of nicotine stimulation. You need to have more dopamine release just to feel normal. If you’re not buzzing those nicotine receptors, you feel worse. Well, shit. That doesn’t sound so fun. Now just to feel average, I have to suck in nicotine all day long? I have to keep holding a thing and putting it in my mouth over and over again just to get through the day? It doesn’t make me feel better than normal; I just have a constant nuisance pestering me to feel average again? Yep. That’s how your brain works—same pattern with any drug you take. Remember, our body is always adapting to any stimulus.
Reframe the way you view smoking in your mind. You are not giving anything up. It isn’t pleasurable. It doesn’t relieve stress. It nags at you all day long like the most annoying asshole person you’ve ever met. “Pay attention to me! I’m important! Put me in your mouth! Nag! Nag! Nag! Nag! Nag!” What a shit “friend.”
By stopping smoking, you are not giving up anything. You are not making any sacrifice.
Insight #2: You Do NOT Choose to Smoke. You are Repeatedly Coerced into Doing So by an Addiction.
Addiction is a disease. This isn’t a matter of willpower or moral weakness or any other dumb judgmental bullshit. You have an illness. You are being sold an illness. You were sold this illness at a young age. Every cultural message that tries to blame you for your illness is just another smokescreen designed to keep you from seeing the truth.
You are not to blame for getting addicted. Nicotine is to blame. Nicotine is the problem. Nicotine is the addiction. Once we get the nicotine out of your body, you will be free to be yourself again. No more nicotine chains shackling your life.
Insight #3: Scaring You into Quitting Smoking Won’t Work
You know smoking will likely contribute to your early death if you continue doing it. You continue smoking anyway. That’s because the human mind is excellent at discounting the importance of consequences that are far off in the future. It’s why we can’t agree to do anything about more sustainable energy practices for the sake of our children and grandchildren. It’s too far in the future. We can’t muster the energy to care.
Still, there is a more subtle and insidious problem with trying to scare you into stopping smoking. It reinforces the idea that it’s hard to quit. It makes you think you’re giving up something important. “If they are trying to scare me with something as awful as lung cancer, then what I’m holding onto with smoking must feel really good.” Nope. It doesn’t. Your brain will be the exact same level of happy and healthy once you’re done smoking. No difference at all. You get to enjoy all the pleasure of life right alongside with none of the cancer, high blood pressure, heart attacks, or strokes.
Someone had something sour.
Insight #4: You Think Quitting is Hard? It Takes Tremendous Willpower to Keep On Smoking
People who smoke are not weak-willed. Smoking sucks. It makes you cough and choke. It aggravates your nose, throat, and lungs. It decreases your overall vitality and saps your physical strength. It tastes and smells awful. As a dentist, I can testify that it destroys your teeth and gums. Despite all these painful and life-draining consequences, you have managed the strength to continue smoking. You are not weak.
My grandfather was a cigar smoker. A devout Catholic, he quit every year for Lent. 40 days no smoking. Cold turkey. Every year. Will power is not the problem for smokers. You have the strength to live your life exactly how you want to. You’ve just been sold a lie about the type of life that is best for you. And again, you were sold that lie at a young age before you could appreciate the consequences.
You have nothing to fear. You have all the strength and willpower to succeed and thrive in life without nicotine. Nicotine is trash. You have successfully managed nicotine for a long time in your life. You haven’t let it take you down. Imagine how much more powerful you will be once you are unshackled from its chains?
Here’s the reality: Happiness is relative. Your body is designed to maintain a baseline of happiness within a range. Your happiness is physiologically bounded. It’s never going to spike off the charts and stay there because you took some drug, have a lot of money, or are having the greatest sex of your life. It doesn’t last. If you tend to be happy at about a 7 out of 10 most of the time, your body will balance out at that level whether you smoke or don’t smoke. Same with any drug. Smoking does not increase overall life satisfaction. No drug can. It does not make you happier. It might give you a quick buzz when you start smoking, but then your body adapts to that, and it becomes your baseline. Except that the new baseline is much more expensive, damaging, and an overall massive life inconvenience to maintain.
Insight #5: Smoking is About What You Believe
Nicotine addiction is not very powerful. The nicotine cravings you get will be similar to the hunger pangs you would get from a light fast. I’ve recently taken up intermittent fasting myself, and I’ll admit the hunger pangs are occasionally a bit of an irritant, but I also feel way better overall. I have a higher energy level the rest of the day, and my digestion has improved greatly.
Smoking, tobacco, and nicotine only appear powerful because you have been conditioned to fear them. You have been conditioned by our culture and through subtle marketing that this substance is something you need in your life, that you will struggle and crumple without it. This is a pernicious lie.
Don’t believe the lie. Believe in yourself. Believe you are complete without the chains holding you down. You don’t have to break the chains with any show of strength. You hold the keys in your hands right now. You can easily unlock the cuffs and walk away.
You can enjoy the process of quitting. You can make it fun for you. It’s all about what you believe. The people that want you to believe in smoking are also selling you smoking. They have every incentive to lie to you.
I’m a dentist. I’m invested in saving people’s teeth. That’s my job. I have every incentive to convince you to stop smoking so you can protect your teeth. I want you to be able to smile with your beautiful white teeth. Selfishly, I don’t want your breath to be all stanky when I stick my hands in there. Sorry, just being honest.
Who would you rather believe? The guy who wants you to have a healthy smile or the tobacco salesman charging you between $2,000-$3,000 each year for his daily poison? By the way, if you follow my advice, you’ll likely never have to spend that kind of money on dental treatment either.
What about vaping?
I have lots of friends who vape. I respect them completely. No judgment. The blueberry smell is a bit weird sometimes, but it beats the pants off smoke from a cigarette. It’s your life. You do you. I have all kinds of weird stuff I do that I don’t want anyone telling me not to. Whatever.
As far as we know right now, vaping is probably better than using tobacco products. It’s basically nicotine and water vapor. If you vape, again, no judgment. Do what you want. Still, the realization you come to after reading Allen Carr’s book still applies: Why create a deficit in your brain chemistry by upregulating nicotine receptors? Why create an extra craving you have to constantly worry about satisfying to even reach a baseline level of happiness? Isn’t it tough enough feeding yourself healthy food regularly? Why create an extra cost and strain on your life for an unnecessary craving?
As a dentist, I’ll direct you to the American Dental Association’s “interim” vaping policy. Interim because I guess we just don’t know enough about it at this point to make strong statements about the health effects. If you want to blow raspberry-flavored dragons in people’s faces, who am I to stop you? Still, I think you would find that your life is still perfectly awesome without sucking on little robots all day long. Not to say there is anything wrong with sucking on little robots all day long. To each their own. This is a no-judgment zone.
Some Random Ideas to Get You Started with Your Smoke-Free Journey (none of these are as good as reading this book):
Write down what makes you want to quit so you are reminded of your motivation often.
Get support from family and friends. If they won’t support you, find new family and friends. I hear some people have had success joining wild packs of wolves in the past.
The American Cancer Society (www.cancer.org) and the telephone quitline 1–800-QUIT-NOW (1–800–784–8669) are helpful resources. But I promise they are not as helpful as this book.
There is also this resource from the American Dental Association, which, although well-intentioned, is I think less effective than reading Allen Carr’s book. But if you’re not going to get the book, then these other resources are, without question, better than doing nothing.
Clean up your living space — get rid of EVERYTHING that reminds you of smoking — lighters, ashtrays, art, books, movies, tv shows — stay away from anything associated with smoking. If your grandma smokes, chuck her out a window — you’re not getting dragged down by her dead weight anymore. Ok, that was a little harsh, don’t throw your grandma out a window, but you might have to hang out with her less for a while.
Pick a date for your last cigarette. Mark it down. Stick to it. Goodbye problems from that day forward.
If you don’t think what I’ve said here is enough to help you start on the path to ridding yourself of the tobacco death grip, that’s totally reasonable. When you’re ready to give it a whirl, read this book. I would also recommend this book all about habit change. That second one can help you improve all kinds of aspects of your life, but lots of the advice applies to quitting smoking.
Maybe you don’t smoke, but you have a friend or family member who does. Politely sharing what you learned in this article with them may be helpful. Maybe not. If you think you could send them this article and they wouldn’t hate my face for saying what I’m saying, feel free to do that too. No judgment, just trying to help people if I can.
Also, if you read this article and concluded I’m a worthless clown, that’s fine. You can keep smoking all you want if that’s what you want. However, if you don’t want your teeth to fall out of your head because of your smoking, then you better floss your butt off. Smoking is the worst risk factor for severe gum disease. It’s a nightmare for your jawbones and gums. If you smoke, YOU NEED TO FLOSS even more than everyone else does.
Finally, if at this point you still refuse to read this excellent book and consign smoking to your personal trash heap of history, then you could read this book by Michael Pollan instead. It has some exciting information about using LSD and psilocybin to help reset your brain and kick addiction. Maybe if Allen Carr’s British Buddhism doesn’t work on you, you can go on an acid trip and get the smoking devil monkey off your back that way.
Now get outside and get some fresh air. Unless, of course, you were already reading this outside, in which case, congratulations! You’re already winning the game.
Thanks for reading.
This could be you!
Footnotes:
¹ I did inhale from a mint-flavored hookah in college, so how motherf*cking dangerous am I ya motherf*ckers? I’m not a complete nerd/square. I’m only 99.99% of the way there.
I’m a proud square nerd. Deal with it. I get asked if I’m Mormon a lot on account of the not drinking and smoking stuff, which honestly is a pretty weird thing to hear from people when you’re an atheist. What was this article supposed to be about again?